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After two and a half years, I’m down. I feel lonely. And I hate it.

I hate it because I’ve worked so hard in having a mind set of “I can be completely happy with me, myself and I”. But there’s this longing for human touch and that yearning makes me vulnerable and puts me in a dangerous spot. 

(Just went to a wedding and half the time I couldn’t stand being there. I really don’t believe in being with another person for the rest of your life. I can’t, you see. I won’t. I wished the bride and groom good luck, but inside I was wondering where they got the bravery to commit to one another for the rest of their life. And the whole ceremony, it was a catholic one, it sounded like a recital to the perfect house wife and the ideal working 9 to 5 husband. Apparently, it has something to do with my current state of mind-heart-soul).

I’ve come to the point where I am comfortable in my own skin and I know what I want, won’t settle for less, and hope not to commit the same mistakes. I’ve learned my lesson. 

Past two experiences were pretty shitty and came to the decission, because of them, to straighten out. BUT DAMN IT’S….. Don’t know… Don’t know why the fuck I’m even writing this, putting this here..But you see, it’s not the need of being with someone, I just can’t believe how no one is next to me. The lack of words, a glance, a touch, time, a kiss that blows your mind and gives you a rush of blood to the head, someone with whom I can sit down and say absolutely nothing at all. Just enjoy the fact that time is shared. 

The whole dilemma is: feeling lonely after all the soul searching and coming with terms with whom I am is not something desirable, and the worst part is not knowing how long this will continue, which puts me in the sad position of vulnerability, leaving me powerless to whatever comes along, that is not necessarily the best for me.

What do you know? This actually helped me out quite a bit.

Anuncios

 

I want you to know 
That I’m happy for you
I wish nothing but 
The best for you both 
An older version of me
Is she perverted like me?
Would she go down on you in a theatre?
Does she speak eloquently?
And would she have your baby?
I’m sure she’d make a really excellent mother 
‘Cause the love that you gave that we made
Wasn’t able to make it enough for you 
To be open wide 
No 
And every time you speak her name 
Does she know how you told me you’d hold me
Until you died? 
And I’m here to remind you
Of the mess you left when you went away 
It’s not fair to deny me
Of the cross I bare that you gave to me
You, you, you oughta know
You seem very well
Things look peaceful 
I’m not quite as well
I thought you should know
Did you forget about me
Mister Duplicity 
I hate to bug you in the middle of dinner 
It was a slap in the face 
How quickly I was replaced 
And are you thinking of me when you fuck her?
The love that you gave that we made 
Wasn’t able to make it enough for you 
To be open wide 
No 
And every time you speak her name 
Does she know how you told me you’d hold me
Until you died? 
And I’m here to remind you
Of the mess you left when you went away 
It’s not fair to deny me
Of the cross I bare that you gave to me
You, you, you oughta know
Oooh
Oooh
Oooh ooh
Ooh ooh ooh
Ooh ooh ooh
Ooh ooh ooh
Ooh ooh
Ooh ooh ooh
Cause the joke that you laid in the bed that was me,
And I’m not gonna fade
As soon as you close your eyes
No 
And every time I scratch my nails 
Down someone else’s back 
I hope you feel it 
And can you feel it?
And I’m here to remind you
Of the mess you left when you went away 
It’s not fair to deny me
Of the cross I bare that you gave to me
You 
And I’m here to remind you
Of the mess you left when you went away 
It’s not fair to deny me
Of the cross I bare that you gave to me
You, you, you oughta know 

 

One of my all-time favorites! This is an excellent song for when you just broke-up with whatever sleez ball you were with or if it’s been years after everything went down and stop and wonder why the heck you were with him in the fist place. The bastard!

So, ladies…. Sing this at the top of you lungs and I recommend going all out for this one. Heck! tear your shirt, mess your hair… whatever, but just feel this as the way it’s intended to be.

¡Exprésense!

Libro del momento/ Book of the moment

Animanaturalis.org: Los Animales No Somos Comida
AnimaNaturalis.org: Los Animales No Somos Probetas
AnimaNaturalis.org: Los Animales No Somos Diversión
AnimaNaturalis.org: Los Animales No Somos Vestimenta

Flickr Photos

LO ESCRITO

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